I thought your topic was a really good one, way to keep it current. Also, the way you came to terms with the quotes you used was phenomenal. There were many times that there was a need for thorough explanation, and you did just that.
There are a couple punctuation and sentence structure issues in your essay, but those are pretty easy to fix.
As far as claims go, there was a really awesome one on page two when you explained how in contact zones, the literal and figurative clashing of cultures leads to an uprising of minority groups that cease to remain quiet in the face of oppression. You connect your ideas impressively, but I'd like to see a couple more claims. By adding one or two more would do a lot of good for your paper. Another claim might be able to be made on page four or five due to the quotes you've used and the evolution of your thesis. A nice fusing of both of these would make a nice late-game claim.
This seems to be a passionate subject for you, which is definitely apparent in your piece. Overall I think its' a well rounded essay.
Sup dawg.
ReplyDeleteI thought your topic was a really good one, way to keep it current. Also, the way you came to terms with the quotes you used was phenomenal. There were many times that there was a need for thorough explanation, and you did just that.
There are a couple punctuation and sentence structure issues in your essay, but those are pretty easy to fix.
As far as claims go, there was a really awesome one on page two when you explained how in contact zones, the literal and figurative clashing of cultures leads to an uprising of minority groups that cease to remain quiet in the face of oppression. You connect your ideas impressively, but I'd like to see a couple more claims. By adding one or two more would do a lot of good for your paper. Another claim might be able to be made on page four or five due to the quotes you've used and the evolution of your thesis. A nice fusing of both of these would make a nice late-game claim.
This seems to be a passionate subject for you, which is definitely apparent in your piece. Overall I think its' a well rounded essay.
Grade: M